I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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