we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
