Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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