No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
