i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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