I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
