The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
