she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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