Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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