She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
