Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
