When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
