my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
