i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
