remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize