I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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