i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
