i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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