how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
