Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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