High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
