When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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