Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
