I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
