my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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