A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You smell like stripper and shame
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree