she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!