So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
