Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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  (479): How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her. http://tfl.nu/z3i9
  Replies (141) Good night (976) Bad night (2941)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!

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  (506): Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT! http://tfl.nu/lyyu
  Replies (3) Good night (920) Bad night (3709)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

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  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (12722) Bad night (980)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?

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  (517): hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive? http://tfl.nu/un6m
  Replies (9) Good night (4704) Bad night (1081)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.

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  (570): Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it. http://tfl.nu/ahvg
  Replies (7) Good night (3115) Bad night (1204)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  It's official drugs can't kill me

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  (864): It's official drugs can't kill me http://tfl.nu/v797
  Replies (13) Good night (2194) Bad night (905)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"

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  (44): Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?" http://tfl.nu/lln8
  Replies (4) Good night (558) Bad night (1190)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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  (509): As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer. http://tfl.nu/wazh
  Replies (5) Good night (1346) Bad night (699)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight

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  (251): when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight http://tfl.nu/vlsg
  Replies (14) Good night (1167) Bad night (2459)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.

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  (770): He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits. http://tfl.nu/4emx
  Replies (11) Good night (633) Bad night (2060)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  dont eat that thats our sex nutella.

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  (208): dont eat that thats our sex nutella. http://tfl.nu/y04n
  Replies (10) Good night (1044) Bad night (459)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it

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  (561): I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it http://tfl.nu/hhh2
  Replies (5) Good night (641) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was a sexy soul patch.

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  (336): You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH. (724): it was a sexy soul patch. http://tfl.nu/u7f5
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (669)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.

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  (210): Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher. http://tfl.nu/1w6p
  Replies (0) Good night (420) Bad night (128)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.

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  (508): A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award. http://tfl.nu/01jc
  Replies (0) Good night (223) Bad night (104)

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