Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Perfect. Like where your heads at

  (906): View more from Michigan

  By relax I mean have sex

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  (906): Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow (248): Perfect. Like where your heads at (906) By relax I mean have sex http://tfl.nu/crtd
  Replies (2) Good night (2318) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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  (402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn
  Replies (13) Good night (7300) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools

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  (757): i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools http://tfl.nu/dqol
  Replies (10) Good night (4052) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.

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  (425): she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco. http://tfl.nu/8uv1
  Replies (19) Good night (6784) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.

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  (920): Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp. http://tfl.nu/avvb
  Replies (2) Good night (1446) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

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  (814): You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party. http://tfl.nu/277a
  Replies (3) Good night (1180) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys

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  (817): Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys http://tfl.nu/cvux
  Replies (1) Good night (1102) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.

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  (360): ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present. http://tfl.nu/50t2
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday

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  (541): Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday http://tfl.nu/3cvq
  Replies (1) Good night (793) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Way to promote small business.

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  (314): Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business (314): Way to promote small business. http://tfl.nu/n30m
  Replies (3) Good night (1436) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja

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  (206): Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja http://tfl.nu/m2bw
  Replies (3) Good night (277) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"

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  (334): Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning" http://tfl.nu/rbo4
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight

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  (847): He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight http://tfl.nu/nfpj
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.

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  (206): Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome. http://tfl.nu/oir7
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?

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  (+44): What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick? http://tfl.nu/5mnp
  Replies (1) Good night (241) Bad night (335)

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