Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
  Replies (5) Good night (850) Bad night (2795)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (986) Bad night (3620)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles' (301): Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar.. http://tfl.nu/a4j3
  Replies (42) Good night (1184) Bad night (5448)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside. http://tfl.nu/zfn8
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (2675)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any. http://tfl.nu/g0ay
  Replies (5) Good night (613) Bad night (2302)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"... http://tfl.nu/a43j
  Replies (4) Good night (1123) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  ...i wondered where i left that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong... (1-732): ...i wondered where i left that... http://tfl.nu/q7mv
  Replies (3) Good night (2468) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems http://tfl.nu/ja9t
  Replies (13) Good night (3561) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/4j6y
  Replies (17) Good night (1459) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on. http://tfl.nu/71nz
  Replies (5) Good night (1801) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on. http://tfl.nu/mz2g
  Replies (6) Good night (1146) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear. http://tfl.nu/poja
  Replies (9) Good night (1360) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days. http://tfl.nu/jvfc
  Replies (1) Good night (987) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on. http://tfl.nu/xcia
  Replies (11) Good night (604) Bad night (1972)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover http://tfl.nu/8g3o
  Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (322)

Randomize