Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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