Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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