Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT