Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.