he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
