Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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