I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
