i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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