no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
