FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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