i just wanna soil my oats bro
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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