he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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