you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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