I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize