Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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