Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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