i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
