its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize