I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
