got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
