it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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