Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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