Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
