I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
