I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize