He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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