If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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