Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize