The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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