You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
