it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
