My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
