dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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