i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
