Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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