Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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