I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
