Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
