Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
